Hey everyone. Just wanted to give you a BIG update on the McMath family in Spain!
Since the emergency c-section and Micah's birth - I have not been well. Days and weeks were going by and I seemed to be getting worse physically, mentally, and emotionally. Brad and I could NOT figure out what was going on with me... and WHY.
Four weeks ago we met with our area director's and made the decision for us to come back to the states for me to get medical attention.
I went to see my doctor as soon as we arrived.
After asking me lots of questions and having me give him a detailed snapshot of the past 10 months....
- the intense sickness I experienced in pregnancy
- packing up to move overseas in the midst of that
-moving
-pregnancy sickness returning with a vengeance, all the while trying to learn the ropes in a new culture
- not being able to speak the language in our new culture - and trying to attend a language school that ended up not being a good fit because they start at a more advanced level than "beginning"
- emergency c-section because Micah's life was in danger, and how traumatic this was for me
-I spent 4 days in the hospital where hardly anyone spoke English... had to use cave man Spanish, pantomiming, and google translate to talk with medical staff
- When I was discharged from the hospital - they demanded that we pay my bill in full. $12,000. Of course we could not do that. They were very rude and angry.
-Then I had to walk away from the hospital after that experience and leave my baby there in the NICU
-Going daily to the NICU where hardly anyone spoke English... had to be ok with them saying "your baby is improving" - and not being able to communicate about the details of his health
-Having severe gastro-intestinal abdominal pain for weeks afterwards in connection with the c-section, having extreme loss of appetite where I have been losing weight because I can't eat ANYTHING, and feeling completely physically wiped out all the time
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He said that I am experiencing more than post-partum - and it sounds like my body is dealing with a little of PTSD.
I was like - "what is that?"
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.
The doctor said that just experiencing the kind of chronic illness I had in pregnancy is a huge stress. Just moving to another culture is a lot of stress. You combine those 2 together and your body begins to reach the maximum of stress it can handle. THEN - he said when you add in the traumatic events with the baby's birth, the hospital, him being in the NICU, and the complications I had afterwards - your mind and body begin to do funny things. After coping with that much stress for that long - your mind and body quit working right. The neuro-transmitters in your brain shut down because they have been coping for such a long time with so many changes and upheavals... and you end up with a severe chemical imbalance that removes your ability to function as you normally would.
He feels like under the circumstances - that I have done BETTER than what 95% of people would have. He also said that just the fact that I can coherently explain to him what is wrong with me and how I am desperate to be well shows that I am stronger than I think and that most people with this much stress and trauma would be in much worse shape.
Wow. Seriously? I am doing "well"? I sure don't feel like it. There is a storm inside of my body that I can physically FEEL every morning. I have not been able to get better.
Then came the whammy: He said it is his professional opinion and recommendation that we not return overseas for at least 6 months to a year and we are sure that I am fully healed. My doctor is a well known and well respected physician in our area and has even served on the board of directors for our regional hospital.... so I know he knows his stuff.
I was shocked. Not what I expected. I thought he would just change meds and move on.
However, being the thorough person that I am.... I also went to see our family physician this week... He ALSO diagnosed me with PTSD and recommended that we not return to the field until I am fully healed - but said he couldn't give a time frame.
We have felt paralyzed since then.
I NEVER would have thought that something like this could happen to me. I am the optimistic, conquer the mountain, we can do it, never quitting girl here!
Having a medical condition arise that is affecting my body and mind has been devastating to say the least.
We have been trying to process the questions, scenarios, & possibilities... It has been sheer anguish. Especially when we try to decide what to do about our girls and school. :(
We left Spain with the full intention of returning. However, we are facing new challenges.
God COULD have healed me in Spain. But he didn't. We have been seeking Him as to "why" and what purpose and plan does He have for us now...
The beauty in what we are called to do is that we do not have to be in any one geographical location to do it! ...And we feel we have found the new direction God has for us. We will be joining Network 211, the AGWM internet based ministry started by Dr. George Flattery. This is the ministry we started out to work with before AGWM asked us to go to Spain. They are doing incredible things to evangelize and disciple people online and have a great need for a team member to develop their video content. After meeting with them this week we feel confirmation that God is opening this door for us here and closing the door for Spain. We will still be World Missionaries, doing work in many different countries and languages - we will just be working with the media ministry team in Springfield, MO.
We have more questions than answers right now as to how this transition is going to work... And to be honest - I am quaking in my boots. Everything we own is overseas. We have our STL vehicle there. We are now in the states, and we don't have a home. We have no vehicle. Our children need to be in school. And I am still not healthy.
We are SO GRATEFUL for the hundreds of people that have been praying for us. It has been incredible. We know that this has not caught God by surprise.... and we also know that He works ALL things together for good. We hope that one day soon we will be able see what His plan has been through all this.
Please continue to pray for us as we walk through the next few months of transition. There are really exciting ministry things ahead of us - we just have to get our family settled and my health where it needs to be!
Much love to you all!
Your missionaries,
Brad, Glenda, Macy, Mia, and Micah McMath
Until the Whole World Hears,
Brad &Glenda McMath
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