Thank you so much if you have prayed for me during the past 6 months. It has been a long journey... -Glenda
YOU MUST READ THIS ENTIRE POST! HEALING!
I had a terrible relapse with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from December through March of this year. My doctor speculates that what caused the relapse is a painful OBGYN appointment I had in late November. The nurse practitioner kept pressing on my abdomen over and over even though I was yelping in pain. Even though she was checking my ovaries - there was no reason to continue the aggressiveness when I was obviously in pain. However, something happened that day… it seems my neurotransmitters went through the roof and could not stabilize again…. causing the relapse. That seems ridiculous to me, but it was a similar situation (in a much lesser form) to laying on my back in an Operating Room in Madrid having my child ripped out of my body in a traumatic fashion.
Another factor in it all is that I have never completely recovered in the past 3 years… but have just found ways to cope. More on that below...
During this relapse I was incredibly sick and even confined to my bed at times. There were days when I didn't think I was going to make it. My body and brain had shut down. These months were the darkest and most difficult I have experienced…just as bad as the original shut down that happened after Micah's birth while we were in Spain. I grieved for my children. I couldn't take care of them. But I just could not get better. I am so thankful for my mom and Brad's mom who both came and spent time taking care of me and our family!
Two pivotal keys came out of this. Keys that led me on a path towards healing.
First, the missionary women Bible study I was a part of had several women that had experience with a local brain/trauma specialist. They were adamant that I should see him, and that he could probably help me.
He ends up being a brilliant physician, who ran tests to determine what type of medication my body would respond best to. We began the process of switching me over to the right medication for my body and the PTSD recovery. This brought me a 25% stability in the body and brain symptoms that were so difficult. Not 100%, but any improvement was huge.
Second, I talked to one of my fellow missionary friends that had recently walked through the PTSD recovery process. She asked me if I had gone to counseling since the onset of the PTSD. I asked her, "why would I need to go to counseling? I already know what God's Word says... we have counseled other people through the years... how would that help me?"
She told me it would make a huge difference, and that just reprocessing the trauma with a trained counselor would help in ways that I could not understand.
I didn't really want to, but I was DESPERATE. Desperate to be well. Desperate to be able to be a mom to my kids again.
It took me trying 3 counselors before I found the right one. Someone I could talk to and really connect with. God was leading, because this counselor grew up on the mission field and understood the layers of complexity that go with that on top of the medical trauma.
Something happened over the next 3 months of meeting with the counselor. He walked me through all of the layers of trauma, and helped me to see that I was holding God accountable for my trauma and not attributing any of it to the fact that we live in a broken world. We looked in Scripture at Godly people who suffered, not b/c God failed them, but b/c our world is broken since the fall.
Joseph did not end up in the pit or the prison b/c God failed him or abandoned him. He did not end up there b/c he sinned. He ended up there b/c our world is broken, and sometimes we walk through trials. Yet, we can trust that God said he worked Joseph's situations for the ultimate good, to save many people. Genesis 50:20.
I realized I had been devastated b/c I thought God abandoned me. My perspective changed. Something inside me began to shift. Yet, I was still living with debilitating physical issues in my nervous system....
BUT THEN...
On April 14, I was up really early praying… I was not praying for myself, but for others... I was crying... and shaking on the inside (which is what I have lived with for 3 years especially when I am praying)…
When all of a sudden I could FEEL the Presence of God enter the room. He was right beside me.
The crying... STOPPED. The shaking... STOPPED. In a milli-second. A calm and peace flooded over my body and I was completely still.
Something I could not have done on my own that quickly... I have served God for 25 years and experienced many great moments serving Him - but this was different. It was a supernatural manifestation of his presence... I wasn't sure what it meant - but I knew that God had come that morning and had touched me.
BUT GOD! Yes! I feel compelled to shout my testimony from the rooftops!!!!
SINCE that morning - the extremely low blood pressure that made me so weak is GONE.
The social anxiety that has limited me from being able to interact with people - is GONE. For 3 years I have had to gage every decision I make about social interaction by how it would affect my body. Many times it would take me 3 days to recover from the adrenal fatigue. In the last month I have been able to attend my brother's wedding shower, be a guest in church services, have lively conversations with people at church, meet new people, chaperone field trips, talk on the phone, and more! ...WITHOUT the severe nervous system shaking and 3 day crash and burn afterwards. THIS is a MIRACLE!
For 3 years this is the one thing that the PTSD medication could not help at all.
God has TOUCHED ME!
I still have to take my medication while my neuro pathways and nervous system continue to heal…that has become obvious. However, my doctor says in around 2 years my brain should form new neuro pathways and I won't need the medication anymore.
HOWEVER, God has healed me from the things that were debilitating to me that no medication was helping me with. After 3 years of a roller coaster….
I. AM. HEALED.
All thanks to our mighty and wonderful God who gives us HOPE!
