February Update

FEBRUARY UPDATE

First of all, I just finished reading Brad's latest blog post. He has gotten to where he occasionally blogs about something....and I always enjoy it. It speaks to me. I love my guy. Check it out at: http://www.bradmcmath.blogspot.com/

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And as usual - our "update" post will be a little long - and then I will add some "snippets" every day the rest of this week!

Do my family and friends really want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly about this season of our lives? Or do they want the "mask"? In an effort of authenticity....I am going for the real deal. ..Sharing our trials in hope that people can pray specifically, and that others may be encouraged if they face similar circumstances.

So, how are we this month? Good question. I still go back to KNOWING that we were supposed to come to DC. That is what has gotten me through every day so far. This journey has not looked anything like we imagined. I am learning to CHOOSE to enjoy every day even though some of our life circumstances are frustrating. Added note: I have been thinking of Moses as I have considered our season of life right now. When he stood before the Red Sea with the Israelites - did he question if he had heard from God? When they had no food to eat in the desert - did he somehow lose his faith in God....or WAIT for the miracle.....the manna...

HOW ARE THINGS NOT LIKE WHAT WE EXPECTED?

First, we knew that this year was going to be tight - but I don't think we could have imagined how strained we would feel. Our recent move to outside of the city has caused some turmoil. We wait for a new renter to take the house in DC. However, God opened wide the door for us to move into this other house. Rent is cheaper. It feels like a "home" and not a "pit". Macy is in school.

YET - He sends a miracle in His way. Not my way. But HIS way.

...After showing the DC house again and again - with many people seeming interested, yet not taking it....we knew we needed to turn the showing of the house over to the management company. If we paid them a $1000 fee they would advertise the house on their website and show it and find a new tenant. (However we are still responsible to pay the rent until there is a new renter). We KNEW that we could not continue to drive in every night and weekend to spend literally hours showing the house with no one taking it. But we also knew we didn't have the $1000. ....

That VERY weekend we got a call that a lady, we will call her Brenda, had taken a check to her church for $1000 and said - I don't know why - but I have been troubled all day - and you need to send this to Brad & Glenda. Wow. What a God thing.

God just cracks me up sometimes. Now, can anyone tell me WHY He didn't just send someone to rent that house and let it be over with? It is like He is just baiting me to KEEP TRUSTING HIM! So I have set aside the worrying, the anxiety, the "me figuring this thing out"....and I am just trusting Him. I don't know how. I don't know when. I can't worry enough to figure it out. I just know He gave me a little ray of hope with this miracle - enough for me to say, "OK. Thank you that you still see us and you still care."

One thing that has stood out to me about this - is that even though God is ABLE to make money appear miraculously and anonymously in our mailbox...He uses HIS people to fulfill His purposes. If 'Brenda' wasn't obedient to God - where would we be? Could He still have provided? Sure....but it wouldn't have been according to His perfect plan.

I dream that one day God is going to bless us and bring us to the point where WE are the ones God is using to pour blessing into other's lives. For some reason He has us in a season right now of being the ones in need. Humbling. At one time in my life I wasn't willing to take anything from anyone. My pride said, "I can do it myself. I don't need anyone's help". I can tell you that Glenda would never have chosen the path of "needing generosity". God is definitely taking me through a time of breaking that pride.

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Secondly, we have walked through a valley of darkness the past few months. And unless we had walked through it - I don't think either of us could have ever REALLY understood it. Kinda like being a parent...you don't REALLY understand it all until you experience it.

What is this valley of darkness? Feeling like there is no hope. Like no one values you. Like no one really cares. Feeling like your ministry/career is over with. .....even feeling like your family would be better off with someone else taking care of them. It is CRAZY. I now understand how people commit suicide. They just get into a REALLY bad place.

The good thing is that Brad and I have been able to talk openly about this. I don't know if it has been entirely a spiritual battle - but I do know that it has been SUFFOCATING. When you have $4000 of unexpected expenditures and you don't even have a salary - it can really get to you. Duh. Only God can give you the kind of peace you need to rise out of the valley. And He is being faithful to do that. However some days we just feel like we have fallen off into the dark valley again for no reason at all. CRAZY I tell you! Added note: When Moses came down from the mount...to find the people worshipping a stupid golden calf....and his anger overcame him....and he broke the tablets that God Himself had carved... could he have felt overwhelmed? Could he have wanted to just run away? How could he have just had this AMAZING encounter with God - and at the SAME time the people be doing this? Didn't God see what they were doing? How could God have let them do that WHILE he was in the midst of writing out the incredible commandments to live by? CRAZY!

Thirdly, when you leave everything you know and all of your stability to pursue a dream of learning everything there is to know about a specialized ministry....and that doesn't quite happen...you begin to second guess yourself....second guess your calling....second guess your value...you become low in confidence....and low in having direction. Good thing I see people in the Bible feeling these things- or I would really fall apart!

The media team here is more than swamped. I am not sure that they would ever have any "discretionary time" to pour into a couple of novices in a scheduled and intentional way...and on just the specific development of video ministry! These guys are AMAZING and do WAY more than just video stuff! They are techies in every sense of the word! To hear them talk makes my head want to fall off sometimes! Whew!

Brad knows he is free to "ask" for help anytime he wants to learn something new...but he is not going to bother people when he knows what it is like to carry a heavy load of responsiblities. He has been encouraged to watch online tutorials on everything he needs to learn - so he is doing his best to do just that. Ha! If he doesn't lose his mind first! He does appreciate that up until now he never even had the time to try to teach himself much in the area of video. Being a pastor was an all consuming task! Added note: Moses "thought" that he was just going to lead the people out by the amazing hand of God. I don't think he anticipated the struggles he would encounter. I don't think he had the plagues in mind when he went to "fulfill" God's call on His life.

Did that mean that he had not heard from God about leading God's people out of Egypt? No. Some may have said, "Whoops, Moses, you missed it. If it was God's Will for you to deliver the Israelites - Pharoah would have said "yes, you can go".... and you wouldn't have all of this trouble." But somehow Moses didn't listen to them. He was a friend of God and was following Him in every detail.

In addition, I think God even said something like ..."I will lead you to the land I will show you." Moses didn't even have all the answers! This is good stuff - and I need to keep preaching this to MYSELF! :)

Yes, we are right where we are supposed to be. So we definitely know that God must have a bigger plan than we had. We thought we were going to come here and learn all that there is to filming, producing, and creating video -so that we could go out and do specifically that in ministry after this year. At this point - there is no telling what God has in store for us - b/c he is teaching us such different "life things" instead! Uhgg. :)

I will post little "life snippets" the rest of this week....however today's update is the summary of "where we are". We continue the journey! Please continue to pray for us:

1. Pray that God will provide everything we need to sustain us.

2. Pray that God will carry us through the dark valleys and teach us how to conquer that spiritual battle. Pray that we will understand WHY we are experiencing this and be able to help others in this same place.

3. Pray that we will understand and discover exactly why God has us here for this season of our lives. Pray that He will reveal to us His will and direction for our ministry. Pray that God will be Brad's teacher in whatever skills and knowledge that he needs for the ministry in our future.

4. Pray that we will learn to enjoy every day - even when we are not "feeling" like enjoying it...that we will not "lose" this time in our lives because of our frustrations.

5. Pray that God will teach us how to be His servants. Authentic Christians. How to really LOVE people.